A girl can dream...

I've never been one of those people who knew with certainty what I wanted to do with my life. There was a brief period in elementary school when I thought I wanted to be a dentist, but I think that more stemmed from my desire to spare other kids from the horrific hours of screaming, painful, "one more minute" pleading, dental visits that I logged before the age of 10, than from actually wanting to be a dentist.

Then there was a brief encounter with a fake veterinary kit, sparking the "I want to be a vet" proclamation, countless afternoons setting up my "classroom" (all of the students were stuffed animals aside from my younger sister who my whole family will not hesitate to tell you, I tortured), and the longest lasting potential career of a doctor which I truly thought I would be, until I magically got accepted into the Ogilvy Associates program and decided to ditch my white coat for the glamorous life of an advertising exec. Whattadream.

Now that I've been in the work world for 3 years, yikes, I've spent a great deal of time thinking about what I want the next step to be, where I see myself going, and what my "5 year plan" is (I still have no 5 year plan so if you're reading this and have one, go away). I love my company and the people that I work with but if I were to say this is my passion, and what I want my career to be, I'd be lying, and I'm not a liar so I'm not going to say that.

Working at Ogilvy is amazing. I can say that and truly stand behind it. It's a fantastic company with vision, more innovative thinkers in one building than most places have across locations, opportunities galore and a fun culture. I've learned so much about myself here, both personally and professionally, so I'm not hanging up my red rimmed hat just yet, but I would like to have a goal in mind, or at least some semblance of a path. So, everyday I think about it- path's aren't made on their own! I daydream about careers, businesses, odd jobs, my idea of the "perfect day", all in the hopes of figuring out just what it is, I want to DO.

I sometimes think I'd be happiest working in a small boutique, teaching Pure Barre classes, and baking for a small fee. But then I remember I live in New York City and on my bare bones corporate salary (which to much of the world is a lot more than bare bones), I can barely make rent, so how would I do on WAY less? And that's when I close the dream gates and type furiously into excel. One strategy, coming right up!

Seriously though, it's a problem.

I've watched my sister go after her dream of becoming a sex therapist with more passion and determination than I've felt for anything, seen friends attack multiple masters degrees in pursuit of their callings, and read articles about people who've made it big following their dreams. I admire these people, but I also hate them. I admire them because they're going after what they want, but I hate them because they know. If I had some inner purpose or innate desire to do something, but was sitting on my Pure Barre toned butt at an office all day, actively NOT doing it, yea that would be annoying...but I'm not.  It's not as if I know what I want to do but I'm afraid to take the leap, I'm ready to leap...let's leap already, but where to?

The whole "go back to school" phenomenon is great in theory but, I don't want to go back to school for the sake of going back to school. First of all, that would be boring, and second of all, I don't have a spare $80 grand lying around (but if someone reading this does, I take cash, checks, stocks, bonds). I know I don't want to do what I'm doing now forever, and going back to school would (in theory) help get me closer to doing whatever it is I do want to do, but I can't just show up on admitted students day and say hey, school me. I mean I could, but that would probably result in the psych ward being called, and I have enough excitement in my life without the involvement of the authorities.

So, in an attempt to get closer to this supposed future I keep hearing about, and the fact that this is my blog, and I can write what I want, I'm going to make a list of all of my inklings, thoughts, daydreams, ideas, likes, dislikes, insanities... and maybe, just maybe, today will be the day that I leap, or at least get closer to the edge.

Likes

• Pure Barre
• Baking
• Organizing
• Workout gear
• Grocery shopping (it's a secret favorite, now not so secret)
• Planning and scheduling
• Being outside
• Driving
• Waking up early
• Health and nutrition
• Dogs
• Homes/real estate
• Writing (this blog has reinvigorated that love)
• Researching and investigating (i'm disturbingly good at it)
• Rules (i follow them)

Dislikes

• Being in an office all day
• Not contributing to the "greater good" of the world
• Going blind from a computer screen
• Staying at work passed sunset
• Tuna fish in a can...it really bothers me so I put it on here

Ok so the dislikes list is kind of random, but the likes list gives me some semblance of direction...in a weird twisted only I'd understand it kind of way. Maybe? Work with me here. This is what I've got: open a bakery, work at LuLu Lemon, start a Pure Barre franchise, hit it big in the stock market, become a guidance counselor (I've been told this is my calling), open a premier dog facility, bake and sell out of my apartment, interior design, start an organization business (organizing for those who can't), open a college prep center (I'm a bit too good at applications and getting documents in order), become a realtor (but that's on hold after my recent apartment hunting nightmare), go to law school (highly unlikely), write a weekly column, write a book, go back to school for Journalism, enroll in culinary school, move to the country/south and open a bed and breakfast, open a sleep away camp, work for an outdoor adventure company.

While this list is incredibly random, one thing everything has in common (or at least I think they do) is flexibility. The ability to make my own schedule and work at 5am if I'd prefer it to 4pm. The option to work extremely hard one day, and lay in bed and stare at the ceiling the next. The idea that I am in control of my own results and that my hard work WILL pay off and impact my degree of success. Where I am now, that's not a possibility. I have no control of my hours (give or take a few), I can work as hard as I want and not get a promotion or raise because my individual work doesn't equate to rewards. The feeling of being "stuck" is a daily occurrence and for a mover and shaker like myself, bam chica wow wow, that's extremely frustrating.  So there are my ramblings as they relate to my ever-evolving quest for the perfect career.

Ok, so it's not a 5 year plan, but it's something.